Being a Mother

is the hardest and most wonderful job I ever had (have)
The question "am I doing ok as a mother" will always follow me, and sometimes the thought of "think if Olivia wont like how I am as a mother" when she is older, scares me a little.
So why does this thought pop up in my head?
I read a very interesting article in one mother hood magazine that gave me a good "answer".
I never thought much of how my mother was during my childhood, up till now. I would never get married or have children. I lived for my work with animals, travelling to so many different countries. I guess that fare back in my mind I didn't want a family was because I never liked my own. As a child I was badly abused and there were never any affections. I never heard my parents say that they loved each other, nor did they say anything to me.

But since Olivia came into my (our) life, I cannot think about anything else in my life that would be so affectionate. She is the most important thing to me (us) and several times a day I tell her how much I love her--and I try to show her it too. It is not a hard thing because my feelings are huge for her. She is wonderful towards her dad an me....so warm and beautiful.

This article claimed that it is when you yourself becomes a mother that you start to think about how your own mother was towards you as a child (and adult). Now I understand why I and my mother are having a huge conflict today, things I never thought about before.
I do not argue with her, I do not blame her, but she can feel my heart speaking to her.
When on the phone with her, I tell her all the marvelous things Olivia is progressing with and how great she is a person--I want her to know her grandchild--. My mother tells me; "You are a great mother!"
Well I don't do much, it is Olivia who makes herself wonderful.
Mother says; "I myself wasn't a good mother!"
I cannot answer that, and guilt is being washed over me. I try to say;
"It is not to late to be a good mother"

Amore!