MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERY FRIEND OF MINE

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RAW FOOD, A NEW LIFE STYLE FOR ME

                                          MY FAVORITE BLOG ABOUT RAW FOOD

Lately I have noticed that I cannot eat milk-produkts without feeling very sick. A lot of food dishes have become an enemy towards my digestion and I have thought it was something that would go away. But not at all, its there making me feel horrible. Since I was diagnosed with Lyme the whole me has changed towards food, drinks, and candy.

Before, couldn't stand red wines. Now, its the only thing I tolerate.

So, I fell over this, raw food. Today I started with raw smoothie, fresh green cabbage, baby spinach, bio banana, strawberries, hazelnut soy (ops) Even my children liked it, and its great to make sure they also get very healthy food in them since they "hate" vegetable.

I am so exited, and feel much better too.

That's Amore!

FAMILY LOYALTY AND LOVE

I remember when my first book was going to come out. The Publisher needed some answers to question to make a pr.
"What's your families names?"
"Eh, I don't have a family!"
"Your parents are dead?"
I felt so embarrassed that I didn't think, or feel that I had a family. For me I thought they were asking about if I had children and a husband. That day, I started to think why I had answered the way I did.

Do you feel you have a family from blood or loyalty?

FOCUS AND NO EXPECTATIONS

 Ok now what happen?

The time just flew away. I look at my children and get a little bit scared. They are growing up so fast.

Growing? Yes, I am also growing and on that growing- journey again. Thrilling and terrifiying. Changes, turmoils, fascinations a big mix of ingredients that will soon turn out to something great.

A couple of days ago I found myself saying out load while walking, "is this it?" Oh dear, that means more work finding out the answers to my inner questions.

Expectations! Is my roller-coast word. It works in some situations, and in some not at all. Work, relationships, children, hobbies and in myself....But when it works, not to have any expectations....it is good, very good. Life is good!

Stay focus on what you want. That is my inner sentence right now. Focus on what I want.

That's Amore!

THE CHANGE IN YOU AND ME

I like this quote.

I said to a friend recently that I thought she had changed a lot. I didn't mean it in a bad way.

Many times we use the words; "you have changed" in a negative tone. But for me it means; "I see you and I applaud you, for having the guts to come out like a butterfly"

That's amore!

REINCARNATION THOUGHTS

My children know that when animal leaves us they goes to the Rainbow Bridge. But what happens to people, asked Olivia (8y)?

Will they also go to the Rainbow Bridge?

Yes I believe we all meet later on at a beautiful place called Rainbow Bridge others may call it Universe.

We talked about Angels, and Heaven. It is a little tricky to explain so I try to divide our conversations to several different times.

I kissed her head and suddenly out of the blue I said, “thank you for choosing me to be your mom!”

Olivia looked at me with eyes like, what?

“When we are at the Rainbow Bridge, or if you want to call it Universe, and its time to return to earth, we chose who we are going to be around and whom will be our parents (etc)”

“So MAX chose you too?”

“Yes, he sure did”

“Anyone else mom?”

“No, you two were the ones.”

“Oh I am sorry mommy that not more kids wanted you. I think you are a great mom”.

   

That's Amore!

MY MIND IS AWASH IN MULTIPLE THOUGHTS

We all react differently when we hear the doctor tell us, “We found a tumor that we want to have a look at as fast as possible.”

“Oh ok,” I thought.  That makes sense as to why I have been totally drained in energy, dragging my feet and crying a lot.  My muscles had started to become weaker and weaker again.  Asking for someone to carry the laundry basket downstairs sounded strange to my ears:  A very strong woman that lifted the world on her shoulders, who survived so much in life.  Now, apparently, she has to survive again.

“It cannot be that my spirit chose a short life to inhabit,” I thought to  myself as I drove home.  Me, who loves life more than anything.

My children are my life.  Because of them, I am constantly in love.

“Universe, this cannot be correct, right?”  I have just started my journey.  I still have so many projects to finish --- and to start.  I have so many good-night kisses to give and to get.

Ah… nah!  Of course I am going to survive this challenge.  I have so much left in me.  And for me.

The next moment, while I am finishing drinking my tea, I think of those people who don’t enjoy life, and so fervently want to end it.  Please come to me, I will change places with you!

What am I thinking?!  Stop this conversation in my head.  
If you have to talk, talk beautiful to me, I try to tell my brain.

Yet again, I have to change things in my life.  Ok, let me see if Amazon has some great books that can teach me more about changing my diet.  But I cannot eat!  I haven’t been eating much for over one month.  2 avocados and some crackers each day, two liters of water,  some green tea.  It doesn’t seem like much at all.  And I am not losing weight, which should be good, right?

My children don’t know every thing that is going on with my health, and I want it that way.  Of course they see and they have an amazing ability to read my eyes.  Some days I need to take a one-hour rest.  Some days they understand this and let me rest.  Some days they are as frustrated as I can be in my own head.  “Mom, you always take a nap!”  Guilty, feelings wash over me, so I try to do resting while sitting up instead.

I do the meditation, and I try to stay positive. The hardest for me --- and where I fail the most --- is towards my husband.  He battles his owns demons and frustrations, and he is from a background where he was tought a different way of thinking, feeling and emoting.   To those who don’t know him, he can come off cold and uncaring.  At my low points, I forget the real him I have seen and fell in love with, and start to think he doesn’t care.  But of course he does. 

Yesterday after I got the news from the doctor, I laughed.  And yes, I actually laughed when I read my husband’s text while sitting in the waiting room:  “I am having such a bad cough,” he texted.

A cold for him is, “I am dying! Take me seriously!”

Quickly, I noticed a different thinking wash into my mind:  I need more humor in my life.  Maybe that is why some patients with serious illness make sarcastic, ironic, tragically funny jokes.  People around them can’t understand their ability to make light of their situation.   These people don’t realize it is not only an ability to affect “gallows humor,” it is a necessity.  They can’t let the disease take that from them, so they don’t.

My doctor didn’t think I was very funny when I handed him an AWL flyer with our work --- a happy Hospice, the team and me. I gave it to him so that maybe he could understand what kind of person I am, and maybe it make him want to work harder to cure me.  I want my life back!

He was impressed when he heard about our hospice for seniors.  I nodded “yes” in agreement, and my eyes got the sparkle.  “Maybe should go down and become a Hospice patient,” I said, “it seems like the dogs we bring in get healed quicker than I do.”

It was a joke, but to the serious Professor, it probably sounded quiet stupid.

Oh well, lets take care of the time and do something useful now.

As a woman and mother I am determined to get my life back.

The bells ring, the bugle calls.  Time to start the fight!

That’s Fighting Amore!

PS My husband is the first one to read before publishing anything. He actually added the sentences about himself since I cannot know his inner thoughts. //Mia

FISH ADVENTURE ON LIFE AND DEATH

My children wanted to have an aquarium with turtles. I have always loved turtles and could actually see us having them, but, with 12 dogs and two lizards I thought to myself that having a small aquarium with guppies would be an easier undertaking. We had received a beautiful bowl from a friend and it looked great with burgundy sand in the bottom and an amethyst shining so gracefully. We even had a green plant, waving rhythmically back and forth in an almost meditative way.

We went to the store and I had read you had always had to have 3 guppies or 6 or 9 etc. I didn’t question why, and let my kids point out which ones they wanted. One Orange, one Yellow and one Black. The kids were fighting over who got to carry the plastic bag with the fish inside while I tried to zoom them out.  We got home and dropped them in the 24-26 c water and saw how they were swimming around happy (or so I thought).

The next day Olivia comes with her brother Max, crying that Black fish is dead. It’s right before their bedtime, with me exhausted, trying to stay calm in my head.  I’m struggling to not get irritated, to be a good mom to understand that they are grieving a guppy.  In my heart I am proud over them that they show emotions to all kinds of animals but being late after a long and busy day, I just wanted to fall into my bed myself.

I take the bowl and catch the Orange and Yellow fish into a cup. The Black fish is flushed down in the toilet.  I sense a vibration of horror behind my back when I suddenly hear the kids, in unison: “MOM!!!  How can you flush Black fish down  the toilet?  How bad are you!  You cannot be in Animals Without Limits if you don’t bury Black Fish properly.”  I didn’t know if I would cry or laugh, but I apologized and said I wouldn’t do it again --- “if” it would happen, I hurried to say when I saw their terrified eyes getting much bigger again.

With the fishbowl in my hands I climbed into the bathtub to fill it up with water. Suddenly, the whole bowl exploded in my hands!  

Now I was crying for real, and my children were quiet, just starring at me:

 “MOM!! You broke their home!”

Millions of glass pieces and burgundy stone were everywhere in the tub and on the floor of the bathroom.  And I cut myself several times. I knew it would be a long night.

The kids refused to go to bed until they were assured that Orange and Yellow had a home. I rushed down in the kitchen searching for the biggest salad bowl and one that I wasn’t so attached to since I knew I would not use it for salad again.

The kids were asleep when I returned upstairs, and I thanked the higher spirits for that. Orange and Yellow seemed curious when they were let down in their knew home.  Finally I could go to bed!

Next morning, I hear Olivia yell, “I cannot see the Yellow Fish! He is gone!”

“What do you mean he is gone, a fish cannot just disappear?!” I said, running into her room.

We looked down in the salad bowl. Yessirree, no Yellow fish.  Where the …?

I moved some of Olivia’s things on her desk, and there, there was Yellow Fish --- dead.  

Olivia busted out in tears, my stomach turned inside out from guilt.  I could just imagine him lying there alone during the night, slowly drying out.  I felt like the worst mom ever.

This time I didn’t flush this little guy down, I found one of the kids’ Kinder Egg capsules from the inside of the candy with a little toy inside.  I put Yellow fish in there and we buried him down in the garden, just like we had done with several of our dogs.  My children couldn’t see any difference with a dead dog and a dead guppy. (I applaud them for that.)

We went to the store again looking for a small aquarium and met the Fish Police Women. She had great knowledge of the EU law for keeping fish as pets. We were handed a big aquarium with pump, filter, thermometer, bio drops that would eliminate bacteria, and some other things. Her eyes were scanning us to see if we were a perfect match for the Guppy fish we now stared at. Olivia opened her mouth to tell the lady about our adventure back home. I laid my hand on her shoulders and said with a smile in Swedish, “Not now honey!”  Thank God for my native language.

We got home with a great aquarium, 100 euro poorer but happy, finally we can have happy Guppy.  That evening, my husband installed the aquarium and filled it with water, we were waiting for the temperature to be correct.  Wait, Fish Police lady had said we couldn’t put fish into their new home until 2 weeks had passed.   Eh? Two weeks, we have a salad bowl fish that needs to get into a bigger home lady!

Two days later, at lunchtime, I walked to pick up Max from his Kindergarten.  A Turkish lady greets me and asks me if we have fish?  I smiled and said my children have some; I didn’t tell her the story of the nighttime massacre! 

“I have one goldfish that is alone, would you like to have him?” 

What is this?  Am I now attracting orphan fish in my village?  My brain screams:  “NO!!”   But I heard myself say, “sure we could do that!”  What’s one more little fish, after all?  Right.

I went and picked up the Goldfish and tried not to show them my surprise over the huge gold fish that was handed over to me in a plastic bag.  He was truly huge!  He would never fit into a salad bowl!

Mr. Godlfish was immediately dropped into the aquarium we had been waiting the 2 weeks for Mr. Guppy to occupy (after all of 3 days).  With one fish in the premature water (?), I hesitated to throw Mr. Guppy in as well.  What if Mr. Goldfish would eat this little creature?  I ran down to my computer and Googled about it.  “Not a bright idea to put goldfish and guppy together, the goldfish might eat the guppy!”  I continued reading; the goldfish was a cold-water fish and the guppy was a warm-water fish.  Oh no!  We needed another aquarium and companions for both Mr. Guppy and Mr. Goldfish in each of their aquatic homes. Oh, and two more weeks for the new aquarium water as well! 

Now, we have two aquariums, with 3 fish each, far more fish than we ever expected, and really soon we need to buy a bigger aquarium for the goldfish, they are growing fast.  And we are still within the initial 2-week period we were supposed to wait, but the three new Guppies are swimming there, I guess they don’t can read a calendar.

I think itt would have been much easier with turtles, …..I guess.

That’s Amore!