Time to Move on

The day we buried Ranger, I was comforted by numerous dogs--and a cat--at the cemetery.

What a wonderful job they are doing, greeting us heartbroken people. Helping us to move on from absolute, debilitating grief to a place of sorrowful acceptance and healthy mourning.

After the "ceremony" I sat down on a wooden bench, crying. Suddenly, I felt someone next to me. I looked right into a pair of beautiful eyes that made me smile.

Thank you my friend for sitting quietly together with me at the moment I needed someone the most.

That is healing Amore!

Cemetary for Pets

Continuing the Memorial for Ranger.

Sunday evening, we went to the Veterinary Clinic where Ranger had passed away, to retrieve his body. We had a kind of "wake" for him at home, where both humans and the other dogs could come and pay their respects, and come to terms with the tragedy. He spent the night in our cool basement, guarding the rest of the family one last time.

Monday morning the Cemetery van came and picked Ranger up. A very quiet, gentle and kind man who understood our grief. He treated Ranger with respect, which was a huge comfort to us.

We followed the van thinking that a cemetery didn't feel right for us, we wanted his ashes in a urn. But that just wasn't an option here, unfortunately. How could a sad place heal us and how could a sad place look "pretty"? We thought about the garbage problem, and how people have to live with that surrounding so how could a Cemetery for pets be nice?

On our way we saw stray dogs roaming around on the streets, garbage piles and empty ugly houses, a very sad environment that we live among.

Suddenly the van made a left turn off the road, and then a right turn into a park. A wonderful green park with beautiful flowers, and nice cut bushes, a water-fountain gave a relaxing sound. We walked out of our car and were greeted by a happy three-legged Yorkshire Terrier followed by his friend; a red cat. Behind them a big gray Mastiff (7 months old) wobbled out of his small dog house, and loped toward us on his huge paws. Some other pets greeted us and their love and healing felt so wonderful. We laughed while our tears ran down our cheeks.

Two men gently lifted Ranger out of the heavy plastic bag (that the hospital had put him in and I hated)--he had lost a lot of blood and flies became attracted--and put him on a big piece of fabric up on a table. Todd had put Ranger's red collar with tags on him. {Ranger Mercer, 910-868-6424. Reward for Return, "I Am Loved"} He had bought a raw-hide chew bone ("He will be hungry at the Rainbow Bridge", Todd said), and together with his little, red teddy-bear and favorite blue blanket we could "see" and be with him for the last time. That meant a lot for us to stand in peace with him; we are thankful they gave us the time to say good bye.

They wrapped him in the fabric and put him gently on a cart and we walked to the grave we had selected for him. Throughout the process, the cemetery people were respectful and reverent. He was a loved soul in their care, and they took their task seriously.

With Ranger placed kindly into his grave, Todd shoveled the first spade of dirt, then the men finished burying our boy. Olivia had a white flower that she gave to him. I thanked Ranger for letting me into his life and I recalled how when Todd was in Iraq, Ranger slept on the sofa snoring so it sounded like Todd was home. It was then a relaxing, comforting, wonderful sound; and now a fond memory!

Todd read the poem about the Rainbow Bridge and said good bye to his dear, old friend, and thanked him for being a wonderful and patient buddy, "He was always so loving and patient, waiting days and weeks for promised walks, rides in the truck and play."

The funeral process done, we wiped our eyes and sniffled back the continuing tears. Olivia had to go to the bathroom, and we walked away from Ranger's grave toward the cemetery office. Still, we didn't want to leave. Over the next 30-40 minutes, we individually and together gravitated back again and again, to say one more thing to Ranger, reminisce or to weep some more. All of us.

It was comforting for him to be in such a beautiful, serene, honorable place. He's among other obviously loved and missed pets. In that way it is nice. But he can't come and nudge our hand over his head for a much-needed pet; can't slobber over us in loving ecstasy, and can't solemnly tolerate Olivia climbing on him any more. He's with us in spirit, we know, and his love for us remains. But he isn't with us in body. And that's what really hurts.

Gosh, Ranger, we are so heartbroken without you. Our Amore Goof!

Mourning Family

We all mourn differently and to watch our family mourning is very interesting and educating... and of course heart-wrenching.

The two legged family has cried--still--my husband mopes around sad, I am sad and angry and Olivia, she tells us to be quiet, "Rah-Rah is sleeping."

When she sees dad and me crying she looks at us with her deep blue concerned eyes and tells us to kiss each other. My little (big) Amore girl!



My (our) very good friend Paulo was on her way over Sunday to give Max a baptism present, she got shocked when she got the news when arriving. Ranger was also her favorite dog of our four!

What was wonderful in that devastating moment of grief was that Paola took over the phone, called the ER station and wanted the whole situation explained. She also called two other veterinarians to find out if everything had been taken cared properly.

We told her we wanted Ranger's body from the vet clinic where he had died, and we desired cremation since we wanted to be able to bring the ashes with us when we moved. She made some calls to various places, conducting research on the phone (on a Sunday morning) and the only place that would do cremation individually (opposed to a mass incineration) was more than a three hour drive from here and only cremated once a week. The weather is getting hotter and it would be impossible to have his body here for so long. Paola told us about a cemetery outside Varcaturo that is so beautiful, "I cried when I walked out of there because it is so beautiful." she told us.

She made all the arrangements, called the cemetery several times and they would come and pick him up the next day in the morning and we could follow.

Paola we love you for your loving support and love. Super Amore!

Going Against Intuition

When is the time to say good bye to our four legged friend?

That is a difficult question that many people ask me. Many times they call me and ask me, "Is he ready?"

You know when the time is there, you can feel it. But sometimes other people interfere with their eyes and logic instead of their gut feelings and that interference disconnects the intuition. Animals know. They prepare themselves and leave the pack so they are not a burden any more. That is still unconditional love from them into the end.

Some people are watching with their eyes, "He is not in pain, he is not howling."

Animals go into a state of mind were they start to close the world off. They have to be strong right up to the last minute. They can not "scream," they are protecting their pack from attracting enemies, and to scream would signal weakness and vulnerability.

When mourning you start to go through, if and whys. Questioning and re-questioning decisions you made, or didn't make, that maybe contributed to the end result. It eats at your mind and your heart, everything is aching. You wish, you hope, you want to wake up from a bad dream.

Saturday, Max's baptism was a wonderful day. We had our four dogs on the back side of our house. No one would go into the back yard and bother them. The Barbecue started and at some time, someone threw in a rib to the dogs. Ranger, our Black Labrador ate one. A person who no doubt thought that "he" did something nice, instead started a chain of events with a deathly outcome. also believe a plastic cup blew in where the dogs were, and Ranger smelled something wonderful and took a bite that would later lodge in his throat, and yet later when he vomited, he would aspirate into his lungs, eventually sawing his lungs up and causing internal bleeding.

Later we heard him coughing, clearly something was stuck in his throat. People said, "If he is not good 'till Monday I will show you were the ER veterinarian is"

Later, too much later, I said "He wont make it through the night, he is getting worse, something is cutting him."

People said, " No he probably scratched his throat."

Later, was too late!

When he threw up with blood, after everyone else had left, it was finally crystal clear that he was in dire circumstances. Todd called to get the friend out of bed to show us where the 24-hour clinic was (note, always know this when moving to a new location), and he sped Ranger there.

Emergency surgery took care of the rib in his throat, and took out some other stuff from his stomach: plastic, a balloon, whole olives. But the physical damage to his lungs was apparently too much. He continued unconscious under anesthesia for about 7 hours, but when he should have been transitioning out of the anesthesia, he went into respiratory distress, followed by failure. The vet clinic says they tried several things to revive him, and actually had him for about 30 seconds, but they lost him in the end.

Try to always go on your gut feeling. When it comes to your friend, your connection with him is stronger than stranger's eyes.

Our Big Amore Goof! We Are so sorry we didn't listen to our heart. We are so sad without you!

In Memorium

Our beloved Ranger passed away on Sunday morning, 11 May 2008, Mother's Day. His departure has left a huge hole in all our hearts that we are yet only beginning to comprehend.

Born 12 July 1999 in Killeen, Texas

Died 11 May 2008 in Naples, Italy

Lived and loved along the way in Fayetteville, North Carolina and Bowling Green, Ohio.

AKC registered name: Jackson's Texas Ranger

Known lovingly as Ranger, Little One (Grandma's name for him),Little Buddy, Ranger Buddy, and Rar-Rar (Olivia's name for him).

He was 2 months and 1 day shy of his 9th birthday. Far too young to leave us, far too loved to be replaced. He never woke up from anesthesia after emergency surgery to remove a rib bone from his esophagus; he had apparently inhalated plastic or bone fragments into his lungs, and his efforts to remove the obstruction from his throat caused the sharp pieces to saw into his lungs. His huge heart just couldn't overcome the injuries.

A big, gentle, loving goof of a soul; a water dog that hated the water; a retriever that would chase after the chaser, but not retrieve anything himself; a Labrador that drooled like a Saint Bernard. He was not the dog of my youth, but he will forever be the dog of my heart.

Rest in Peace, my beloved Ranger. Your work here is done. Your little sister Shiloh is lost without you. Your family misses you so much already, you have left a huge hole in our heart and lives. Wait for me at the field before the Rainbow Bridge. I will be there for you one day.

Todd
Mia, Jackson, Olivia, Maximillian
Tjojs, Shiloh & Clyde